Dark Night Of The Soul

In a dream-like state my Dark Night Of the Soul appeared and forcefully declared “You shall not pass!”.

I faced 2 intwined nemesii this week.

The first appeared during a group-energy healing session.

In a dream-like state my Dark Night Of the Soul appeared and forcefully declared “You shall not pass!”.

I pulled out my biggest growly-mama-bear-protecting-her-cub and declared “I shall pass!”

As we argued the chimes went off indicating it was time to end the session and get someone else on the table.

Thinking mind went “welp. I’s better win this one fast, the session is over!” And a gesture of triumph was made.

The second appeared after an unexpected journey yesterday.

Fearing the holiday madness, I was intending to complete my grocery shopping well before 9am. But something kept me noticing the clock several minutes after I was to catch the bus. Even when I was dressed and ready, time would speed up when I wasn’t looking and the clock would say “nope, not yet.”

As I entered the usually empty bus, it was packed solid with HS students. I stood at the front kind-of facing everyone because that was the only way to have a handrail and not fall over. In the past, I would be going insane at this point. Crowds mess me up. I do not like them, Sam I Am. As an Introvert, and also as an energetically sensitive human. Mamma needs her 10ft radius!

Several months prior a woman had shared with me that elementary schools were checking for guns at the door, and some of the heavy adult-like burdens diverse HS children in our area were having to face. Rather than crawling up into my hide from the world ball, rather than pretending I wasn’t there until I could actually be “not there”, I played with my new toys.

In my head I began chanting healing words – my newly found Song Of Joy healing with my voice gift. “Divine in all” “awestruck by the sacredness of divine in all” created the main intuitive thread. I took my energy and attention and honored the divine in all to each person on that bus. And I noticed moods shifting slightly. Some even staring my direction (which usually makes me inSANE) not really knowing why. But I knew why. I was being the grandfather clock in the room. (in a clockshop, all the clocks will calibrate to the grandfather clock)

My initial reason for leaving the house ended up being derailed. I got home, unpacked the backpack & suitcase full of groceries, and headed out again to fill the original errand.

On the bus home, I was again faced with a solidly packed bus culturally diverse. So I did the same “non-sound sound healing” kind of thing. At some point I realized I was totally confused about what stop I was supposed to be paying attention to, and ended up in Downtown Seattle.

I was intending to find a bus home post haste. I had no idea where I was, but everything in me said it was time to get off that bus.

As I was drawn to walk toward the water, I realized I hadn’t been in downtown for a quite some time. No official obligations, a day off, I decided to wander and stop trying to figure out where I was or how to get home.

I was headed straight toward a balcony of sorts next to one of those steep stairways like you find in Pike Place Market. Gazing out at the Sound, at the nuanced grey clouds, at the ultimate “typical Seattle” view, I realized I could jump. I realize this is the kind of place people go to end it all. Well, not really high enough to succeed, but high enough to contemplate. “I could jump right now.” ran through my head. But what followed that thought surprised even me.

I saw me taking a parkour fall, rolling to my feet, and walking away unscathed.

That nemesis, the one lurking in the downward spiral brain patterns of my mind, the one being managed and monitored most of my life to keep it behaving itself, had completely transformed.

That morning, the act of leaving my apartment had been an act of financial defiance.

The carefully set aside “yearly expense divide by 12, add them all up, set them aside every month” was in jeopardy of being raided. The decision to spend rent money on food was carefully weighed and made. This kind of thing has only happened to me once prior in my life.

“Homelessness is a long slow then swift process.” Last time I faced this iceberg chunk falling into the ocean I spend the entire process in worry, fear, and negativity. And I made more bad things happen.

This time I have been filling it with gratitude, hope, trying new things even if they fail and no one shows up, and holding in my mind that 80% of the humans on my planet make less $2.50 a day or less. Holding in my mind that even in my darkest financial days, I am the 1%, and totally blessed.

When I left the house that morning, I had strong reason to chose a very different emotional and energetic tone.

I chose love. I chose sacredness. I chose Divine In All.

I chose to be the grandfather clock.

And when I arrived at that place of “jump”, it had an entirely new meaning.

When I got home I checked in on the status of Dark Night Of the Soul. It was far less ominous. Kind of looked like a small grey puddle-shaped figure mostly melted away.

The entwined nemesii have been defeated.

And I parkour roll off this cliff I emerge not just unscathed, I emerge the most amazing Me that has yet to arise into existence.

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